If you were to come to me, and ask me how to go about making a documentary, I would tell you that the first step is to start with a great, focused idea for a story.
Right now I’m feeling like I need to take my own advice.
The concept for Liability U is to tell the story of what life is like for graduates who are trying to follow their dreams and establish themselves in the world, while stuck beneath the burden of overwhelming debt. Now this concept, as it is, is a pretty simple one. But, as is normally the case, the devil is in the details.
Those details are the things you try to work out in pre-production. You ask yourself questions like: How are you going to tell this story? What is the plot arc going to look like? And how are you going to manage to turn this idea into reality?
When considering the making of this film, I went over these questions. The reality of making it was that I was relatively new in town and didn’t really know any photographers that would be willing to help me out with production. Additionally, I was working a day job as a Communications Instructor locally which was taking up a good deal of my time, but not exactly providing a huge amount of disposable income to run around and shoot a film. When you add to this my love of personal documentaries (like Always A Bridesmaid, Crazy, Sexy, Cancer and Sherman’s March) the vision of the film became clear. I would use myself as a central character and document my daily dilemmas as I tried to balance my desire to pursue my dreams with the economic realities of being a debt laden graduate.
It all seemed so simple. But there’s always a catch.
In reality, putting together a personal documentary is more than a little bit out of my comfort zone. My background is in journalism, and I have a long rap sheet of experience working as a reporter. So basically what I’m good at…is telling other people’s stories. With other people it’s easy. Objectivity and distance make it possible to dissect their motives, see their hopes, dreams, quirks, triumphs, failings and blind spots.
But, like anyone, when it comes to dissecting myself, things just don’t seem so clear cut. And to be perfectly frank, there are times when the self-doubt is overwhelming and I’m pretty sure the whole filming yourself thing is nothing but an exercise in vain, useless, self-absorption.
Now in the beginning of the process, my role in the film was to remain limited. I would just be there to touch base, provide comic relief and move the story along. But as time has gone on, my role has gotten more serious, and the reality of my story has turned a bit dark.
For those of you who don’t know, in late-November of last year I received the first news of support that allow me to go forward and start production of the film. I was on Cloud 9, and couldn’t wait to get going. But then, out of the blue, the unthinkable happened when five days later, my father suddenly passed away from a heart attack.
The next thing you know, instead of filming quirky scenes about life after debt, I’m on a plane across the country and writing a eulogy to memorialize a life after death.
My reaction was to keep filming everything that was going on. Returning to Carolina in the aftermath with a ton of unexpected expenses, I knew I could no longer afford to teach part-time in the hopes that it would someday pay all my bills. I needed something more reliable, and I needed it fast. So I took the first steady job I could get. Those of you who have been caught in this situation know what’s this is like. Desperation and gratitude for something become misery and disappointment pretty quickly. And all the while the cameras rolled.
In the meantime, financing for the trailer hit a snag, as funding was delayed again and again. Other avenues have been explored but so far – no bites. This is not surprising. The reality is that shelf life of an independent filmmaker’s career is short. Without an inheritance or major league connections to fall back on most find that their day jobs quickly have become their careers for no other reason than economic pressure.
But I digress.
So now instead of a quirky funny piece about a harsh reality, I’ve got a first hand account of harsh reality. And therein lies my issue. Yes, this is what really happens. But jesus, I never set out to chronicle a world full of this much frustration and despair. And I wonder if in casting myself as the central character…did I just go and create my own self-fulfilling prophecy?
My hope for the film is that at some point…it will get beyond this. Get past the frustration and limitations and move on to a piece about transforming your mindset. That maybe in living through the lessons of Liability U one can move from a world full of debt, lack, limitation and living paycheck to paycheck to a new world of depth, wholeness and finishing things for yourself and not for other people.
In the end, I would like to make this a film not about Debt but about Net Worth.
Now I just got to get there.